A Case for the Masturbatorium™

What if there was a solution to daydreaming and distractions in class or at work that was within a hand’s reach, wouldn’t you seize it?

As the years have gone by, I have gotten better at paying attention in class. Everyone has missed out on what was being said in class either due to their own daydreaming or a fellow student’s disruptive behaviour. In my past articles, I have addressed issues mostly pertaining to teenagers (but which continue to haunt me to this day) and I will be making the case for a solution which I came up with myself which should be particularly handy in high schools especially. Ladies and gentlemen, I present the Masturbatorium™:


masturbatorium one

Most of my daydreaming from 12 to 22 consisted of sexual fantasies.

Within a humble closet such as this one, there would be porno magazines, tissue paper, lube as well as a small mattress to lie down on where disruptive or distracted students can masturbate in order to relieve some tension before entering class. Students could either use it out of their own volition or if a teacher requests them to do so. I personally was never a disruptive student, but know that during some sexual daydreams I had to check myself so that my mouth was not gaping open with drool sliding down my lips and many a pimply young man could be soothed by the rub-and-tug of his own hand.

I “focus-grouped” this idea with a few of my friends, some of them were for it, others were opposed and some drifted from one side to the other. Here is a summary of the main advantages and disadvantages:


  • It would probably work, everyone is calmer and more focused after jerking off;
  • People who already masturbate at work will no longer have to pretend to be defecating and have more privacy than in a stall;
  • Low cost time-saving solution;
  • Would normalise masturbation.


  • Students would not be taught self-control as they can just masturbate whenever instead of learning to suppress their urges (just like how you have to hold in pee until the break);
  • It could be awkward for both students and teachers to be aware that a student is leaving the class to masturbate;
  • Some people take longer to come than others, so for some, this could mean even a 45 minute break;
  • It would be bringing a private matter (sexuality) into the public sphere which could lead to sexual abuse situations, bullying or general inappropriateness;
  • Clean-up of the closet could be gross (grosser than cleaning shit stains though?!)

While the CONS side does bring up some valid points, those of us on the PROS side believe the advantages outweigh the potential risks brought up by the CONS and that we should proceed to the test phase in a few pilot schools and workplaces. Maybe the Masturbatorium™ could be a voluntary institution that way a teacher doesn’t have to deal with the uncomfortable task of sending a student to the closet (some perverted teachers might even enjoy sending their students there.) As for those who need a long time to come, even if they take a long time, it is better to take a 45 minute break and come back refreshed and focused than to spend the whole day in a distracted state. In the case of teenagers though, I don’t think time is a big issue of concern.


A typical example of when the Masturbatorium will come in handy.

Further questions might arise as to whether the closets could be upgraded to full-on sex closets for horny students/co-workers. Who knows what the future has in store?

There is a real power to masturbation, some people need it to get them out of bed and others to fall asleep, it is also a great painkiller during menstruation. For a lot of men (and women), masturbation is more of an automatic thing, not so much a sensual thing, so why not approach it in the same pragmatic manner as other bodily needs?

Some studies show we work more effectively from home, but we are not all fortunate enough to ditch the morning commute.

What do you think? Do you wish you had access to one? I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Kind regards,



1 thought on “A Case for the Masturbatorium™

  1. Pingback: Brave New World’s World Isn’t That Bad | A Scab To Pick

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