Brenda-Lee shares an inside look of her life with her readers. Get the hottest tips on how to live your life optimally the Brenda-Lee Way.

The big trend in blogging these days seem to be lifestyle blogs which focus on home design, healthy eating, style, travel, etc. Some lifestyle blogs offer actual advice or professional insight into what is happening within that domain of interest, however others seem to be more intent on showcasing how great the lifestyle of the particular person running the blog is. The sad reality of this phenomenon is that in the majority of these cases, the people who are the focus of such blogs are narcissistic anal-retentive types who are obsessed with observing strict dietary rules, morning routines and giving the impression that their house or apartment always looks messy, yet neat at the same time.

Now, I complain about women who take pictures of “real” women in supermodel poses in an attempt to illustrate how ridiculously fake the fashion industry is, but this is because I do not have any insecurities regarding my body. But, I am not so hypocritical as to deny being a hypocrite like everyone else.

So, without further ado, I will do the same as these bloggers.

 

Good Housekeeping

While many take joy from the fact that our bodies produce waste, defecation and its lingering smells aren’t my cup of tea. I have therefore developed a 3-angled (tiered?) approach to masking the odors. A proper ventilation system would be ideal as it would provide the bathroom with completely new air, thereby removing the shit particles that remain however not everyone has one. If you want to be 100% sure your nose will be none the wiser after a trip to the toilet use a) a candle, b) make a spray out of essential oils and c) burn some incense. Insider tip: lighting a match doesn’t work *tihi* ;p !!

Life hack #43 : Leave a wet umbrella outside to avoid getting water in your home. Only do this if you know your neighbourhood is safe from thieves.

If you’ve read my previous advice, you know that shit particles are a concern of mine. Did you know after flushing, a microscopic mist of water from the toilet spreads through the room… and if your toothbrush isn’t stored in a closed space, that toilet mist will come into contact with it. Always put your toothbrush in the cupboard or drawer people!

If the Duggars have taught me anything, it’s that if you “buy used, [you] save the difference“. Always be on the look-out for good bargains at thrift-shops like the Salvation Army to make your house a home.

Or, if you’re budget allows you to afford a colour printer. I recommend you print your own meme posters. This is the one I have by my desk:

If you’re like me, you hate sanitary napkins. They feel sweaty, they get stinky and cumbersome. I used to feel like I had no other option but to wear them to sleep because I tend to sleep over 8 hours which is the maximum amount of time one should wear a tampon. But then I figured that since I usually go to the bathroom at night, I could just throw it out during my nightly visit to the toilet. I also hate wearing underwear at night. One inevitable consequence of these preferences of mine are staining:

This is why I don’t like white sheets. So, the solution: black sheets.

A friend of mine thought it was a bad idea because then cum-stains will show up more. The thing is, cum-stains go out in the wash, whereas period blood is really hard to get out, so if you have a limited number of sheets and you have guests coming over, you know you can always rely on the black sheets never revealing your dirty secrets.

What I Eat In A Day

Nothing gets me quite as eager to carpe diem as much as the prospect of eating a delicious lunch. Today’s lunch is a special treat as I don’t always get around to making myself anything and usually buy from the cafeteria. Chocolate milk, water, M&M nut mix, an apple and some vegetarian chickpea-potato ball rolls. This is a wonderful day!

Now, I can hear some protesting that it isn’t vegan, but personally I don’t see a point to being that zealous about it. I mean, a chicken is going to have a period, so why not eat it? And while we’re at it, why not eat some deer, there are too many of them in nature, so we might as well eat them rather than let them starve to death. Or roadkill for that matter!

I drink a liter of chocolate milk a day – nearly 1000 calories for the price of 0.0044 bitcoins, a real bargain! And if you’re looking to gain some muscle, the protein from the milk will lead to some real gains.

As a student, money is tight and sometimes, we need to look to the ways our ancestors coped with their miserliness. Sometimes, it’s not so much about nutritional content, but cramming in the calories.

Having Fun!

On most lifestyle blogs, the people featured live in pretty neat homes. If you’re like me, the last thing you want to do after a long day of work or school is tidying up your home. Personally, I think that kind of work makes a mockery of the human condition and should be given to robots. Learn to accept your mess. Here I am relaxing with a great FREE magazine (always hunting for those bargains!) while being one with the laundry.

Loneliness is one of the biggest issues of our time as people become more mobile and society more individualistic (for better and for worse). Fortunately, there is one place where all lonely people like to congregate and this is: online. The internet is also a well of entertainment for the broke. It is from this humble device that I reach you, my readers. I recommend everyone get a computer and an internet connection. So if you’re reading this from the library, start saving up!

Inspirational

As a lifestyle blogger, I seek inspiration from my environment and try to pass it on to my readers. The thing is, I am not a visual person. This does not mean I am not aesthetically sensitive; I appreciate beautiful things, but I feel overwhelmed by the prospect of decorating.

Knitting is a great way to channel anxious energy. Here is one of the sweaters I knitted:

Euhm… otherwise, I like fall landscapes and going for walks. To be honest, writing this article got me kind of depressed as I really spend more of my time studying and am too broke to go out. In a few years, once I am done my studies, hopefully the dough will be coming in and then I’ll show them! They laughed at Niles and Frasier, but look how cool they are now!

and I think you should see this one too:

To be honest though, my life isn’t that bad. It’s just that when I do do something fun, it’s inappropriate.

Blablabla, believe in yourself or some other feel good shit!

Bitterly yours,

P.S. Dang it, forgot to go through my skincare routine. You can figure that out yourselves.

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